im going to be totally honist here my depression came back about 4 months ago i didnt eccept it had came back until about a month ago because i didnt want to believe it once i had eccepted it i ended up doing the one thing i didnt think i was strong enough to do, go to the doctors about it. the only reason i had the strenth to do that was that my best friend she kept pressuring me and telling me i needed to go (its the only way i do things i dont want to) which i am increadably greatful for and owe her massively for even if she doesnt fully know how greatful i am to her. the reason i didnt want to eccept it had come back even if i always knew it would is the fact that i was scared of feeling abd going through that pain again.

the reason im letting you all know is because i wasnt you to know even though my depression has come back and i feel like shit most of the time i feel you deseve the truth even if i dont know you personally as this is such a personal subject.

i went to the doctors like i said and now im on Citalopram 10mg tablets which i have been on just over 2 weeks and even though its not a mirical helper and the progress is slow it is helping. one of my biggest problems is my mind doesnt shut off i over think all the time and so it makes me pariond as i read into every little thing and dont get me wrong i still over think but its not all the time im over thinking less and less which is making me feel better a little more free and allows me to enjoy things alot more. a lot of my over thinking would relate to friends as i have a shit family long story short they dont want to knwo me or my intermediate family anymore so thats scard me metally for good so anyway back to the point i would think my friends didnt like me or found me inoying and stuff i feel sorry for my very close friends who had to put up with this i thought my best friend didnt want to be my best friend anymore and stuff like that it was a horrible place to be in.

i am telling you this because im in a place now where nothings perfect im not going to lie to you but that i know i will get though this one day in the future as this is a long process is that im proff that things wil get better even when there at there lowest point and you have dag yourself a hole so big you feel you cant get out there is always a way the reson i have so much positivity it seams is that i wont give up even when i want to i wont i belive im a strong person and even if you feel your not you really trully are even if sometimes you have to ask for some help along the way

i know in one way i have suffered with depression “light” compared to other like i dont suffer with an eating disorder and i dont suffer with self harm which i wont comment on because i have no right to but something a friend once said to me and it is true is that everyones depression is the worse to themselfs, no depression is less important that another it all is destructive and its all the same pain it just effects us differentally, no one deseves but so many of us suffer with it esspecally in silance. this is why im here im here to listen, for you to vent to if you just want to look at my posts but its up to you i will alway listen and never judge anyone i promise and everyone is equally important on my blog.

just so you know im a normal nerdy 19 year old who watches youtube, lives in london, goes to uni and suffers with depression and who set up this page to help at lest one person i hope so that you dont feel alone because your not trust me i know lifes cruel but you are strong enough to beat anything thrown at you

never give up even when things are at there lowest you are a strong important person rhat deserves to be happy